You tube fest.

I have no life right now as I'm redecorating. The delirium of paint fumes and my partiality to hamsters makes these snippets particularly entertaining.




And in case you're the last person on the planet to have missed seeing the Otters, here they are.

Sunday, bloody Sunday.

A definite friend perk is having chums who come to town and stay beach front. Such has been our luck and this last Sunday Oly & Renata hosted a magical beach BBQ complete with full moon, fire pit, fish cooked to perfection in banana leaves, musical interludes and great company.

CHRIST -here's a visual for what my not too distant future holds, boobs down to my waist! Note to self, shoulders back girl, shoulders back.

The lively pre BBQ entertainment began to take an awkward turn...

....but the mood sobers as GP enters his fourth chorus of Kum By Yah.

Massage Therapy

It’s Monday, it’s busy and there are lots of deadlines on the office table, so what’s the best course of action? It’s a no brainer, bolt promptly at 12:30pm and head to the spa, leaving our trusty slave “Good Afternoon Trading Place Maui this is Corina, I have to do everything” in charge! My faithful business partner Nancy and I soaked, steamed, scrubbed and massaged our way through three hours of naughty time off.

We resurfaced refreshed, rejuvenated and just in time for the office to have already closed!

Happy Mothers Day

Mater, I think I've found you a fella' !

Nerve Gas.

Ok - so everyone has been moaning and groaning about the bloody price of gas and I’m here on my soap box to get something off my chest ‘YOU’RE ALL BLOODY SPOILT’!

Listen I know jack shit about how petrol gets to the pump, but this is my guess. First you have to find the bloody stuff under the crust of the earth and that can’t be easy. Then they drill a big damn hole in the ground or the sea and some how suck all that good juice out of our mother, which (lets face it) must be there for a purpose other than making my truck run. Then it’s transported somehow to somewhere probably through the Suez Canal in some big bastarding ship as we all cross our fingers it doesn’t run a ground in the most pristine of shorelines. Ship to shore….. more pumping and lets not forget the whole oil refining bit that makes it into our precious elixir petrol. Then, more dangerous moving of flammable liquids on autobahns & motorways with whole families in mini vans zooming by, to end up delivered to your local gas station.

And all this for $4.21 a gallon………boys and girls you should all be on your knees in thanks for the bloody deal of the century. I’m not pro oil - I’m just saying lets all have a little perspective.

I suspect I’m not alone when standing in line thinking ‘ooh that’s a bit
pricey’ when ordering my grande- two pump -vanilla -half decaf -half regular -no foam -cup of draino that I still willingly pony up $4.25 for. Now THAT’S something worth bitching about!

Beach dog.

Let me state the obvious, living on Maui we’re spoiled for choice when it comes to beaches. The one I frequent most is Kanaha and I always feel sorry for tourists dropped off by the cheesy cruise ship cable car bus. I suspect 99% of them have the idyllic ‘lay down and read whist getting a perfect tan’ beach picture in mind, and not the ‘get sand blasted with 25 knots (gusting to 30) this feels like shit’ reality.

It’s more a water sport, wet suit, grab your gear & go type beach and I love it for that reason as there’s always something good to watch, like ME for example!

Moving down the coast to another beach I saw this. Talk about being dog tired, that's exactly what the owner of 'Max' must have felt after pulling his Collie back and forth on his very own boogie board. The dog really did not want to get it’s paws wet or his fur ruffled and stood stead fast whilst being yanked over the low tide rocks.

BTW- according to doggiewoggie.com the top 3 names for dogs in the UK are Max, Ben & Buster while in the US it's Max, Buddy & Rocky. But wait, here's another little known fact, Barking Sands Beach, on Kauai is known for its unusual dry sand that squeaks or "barks like a dog."

Jesus, I'm losing the will to live from the shear boredom of my own blog.........

The End.

Pau hana.

All day Thursday I felt a bit odd at work and decided pau hana, a bit of fresh air was in order. So I headed the trusty Ford south and perched my arse on a rock to soak up the last few rays of the sun.
Not unlike this little fella’ and we had front row seats to a great show.



Is it just me or do you see one body, four limbs and three fins? I can’t untangle the knot... can you?

Self amusement.

This poor little chap had fallen in my recycle bucket and I extracted the price of a photo shoot for his release.

Ah the guillotine, those were the days! This pici just makes me chuckle....

As does this one.....note to self, must buy larger swim goggles.

"Mr.Cammarota, the Doctor will see you now".

Hit and miss.

Miss: In the hopes of getting some good bird photo’s I purchased a bird feeder and hung it on my back deck. This prop of choice has the birds in a frenzy when I’m not in the vicinity, but as soon as I’m sitting in the wings (no pun intended) those buggers are off. Not to be daunted I tried again with a nice ornate bird bath, surly this would work? But no, those ungrateful little bastards don’t even use it, so now it has become a water feature that I drop flowers and petals in to!

Hit: There are a lot of ugly helmets out there in the windsurfing world, but not this one. Gramps clearly didn’t want his street cred of style and sophistication to be diminished on the water. A classic winning silver accessory will catch the ladies eye every time.

Miss: “Best photo of a hot guy”....that’s the little monthly contest we have at work. The esteemed prize is the respect of ones co-workers for your good taste and balls to take the shot!

Easy yes.....NO! Agggghhhh-here’s the thing, I know a LOT of hot guys but I’m too embarrassed to either sneak a photo of them or blatantly ask out right if they’d say ‘cheese’. So far this month this is my entry, hot guy-poor shot. The best part is the bloke in the background with his bottom lip out, that about sums up how I feel about being such a wimp in my own contest!

Hit: Who wouldn’t want to rest their paws here, even if it is on naff plastic chairs.

Five things I witnessed at the gym today - plus one...

1. Lots of small dark skinned men in the Hawaiian uniform of all male work out dudes….sneakers, tattooed legs, board shorts, neon yellow Maui cement t-shirt & pod.

2. Courageously over weight people taking the steps to shed some pounds….but why of why do they wear spandex?

3. Lots of male body language, the secret hand shake & one shoulder arm clamp hug are two of my faves.

4. Older man (miuns underwear) wearing flimsy waaaaaaaaaay too short shorts.

5. Me – the only freckled haole in there (proper) laughing out loud listening to the #1 podcast in the UK “Russell Brand on BBC Radio 2”.

Yes, yes, I know, I know, I'm shallow and judgemental, but people - it's a 24 hour feak show out there………

And on another completely random other note, hands up all those who have laughed outloud inappropriately . Fantastic.

The weekend.

I get the calling about twice a year to head east to Hana and immerse in nature. On the way this weekend I was reminded of the lyrics to a song “where I live, there are rainbows”, as we paused to appreciate this copse of rainbow eucalyptus that are really something special.

While GP surfed I took off on my bike to Keanae. In an innovative attempt to make a funny little movie I mounted the GoPro on my handle bars, but it was just too wobbly to produce a satisfying….well.... anything. The ride however, was completely gratifying and it felt so good to ride up and down the hills smelling and observing the little things in life. Post spin I went for a wee in the bushes and saw this pretty web, as the spider was missing I deduced (in an unusual roll reversal) I had probably scared it death!

The Hana Cabana where we stay is a slice of heaven, its tranquil, small & simply lovely (not unlike it’s occupants this weekend)! If I ever come back as a plant, I want to take root in Hana.

And finally a not so happy ending. I went to snorkel in the crystal clear water at Hamoa Bay, where (after the disappointment of my bike mount) I figured I’d go back to basics and take the GoPro out for a gentle swim. Bearing the curse of all freckled folk, I slapped on the sunscreen like lard on a channel swimmer. The sandy bottom was speckled with sunlight and as I saw my first shoal of little silver fish I aimed the camera. As I looked through the viewfinder it wasn’t the National Geographic moment that caught my eye, but the rising tide in the ‘waterproof’ case! Aghhhhhh, waterproof camera lesson 101, be sure the housing is properly closed……oh and did I mention that it wasn’t my camera?

As any mature adult would do, I decided to break the news to GP by drawing him a picture of the ill fated object of his desire. I'll sign it of course.......

Contrast and compare.

Last week my bro sent me this pici of the view from his house....

So I returned the favour and sent him the view from my house....

Ouch!

So much for this little bird of paradise flying like an eagle....doink! You’ll be glad to know it wasn’t lying dead as a dodo under my dirty bedroom window.

Stand Up Comedy.

A few weeks ago there were no waves at all, which made premium conditions for me to catch what ever little ripples randomly appeared and people ....catch them I did! The crap conditions were perfect for my induction into stand up hall of shame.

Young ones.

So fast forward 15 years and this young dude brings over a hot date to meet the parents. Her eyes scan the home where her tasty new boyfriend grew up and come to rest on the family photograph table.

If she’s worthy this little snapshot will offer endless hours of mockery at the young studs expense! Bless.......so cute.

Yes, yes, yes, I know you’ve seen this Monarch Butterfly caterpillar before, but I found it whilst weeding today and couldn't resist another portrait.

And talking of finding things, how about this little fellow? I found him on my kitchen window the other day and he was just a tiny wee thing, no bigger than my thumb nail. Now I'm looking at this photo I realize this Praying Mantis looked a lot cuter in the flesh-in person....what's the right phrase? Guess you had to be there.....

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery

The joy of inspiration (or is it just copying)?! I watched a documentary about Andy Goldsworthy last night (check out the pici's of his work to understand my 2nd photo) and awoke knowing I’d have to try a humble homage to this wonderful artist. My first thought was ‘where I am going to acquire the flowers for my masterpiece’? I figured they would rear their lovely heads along my travels and voila-rear they did, in the form of an empty lot full of gloriously flowering weeds. Perfection!

For my empty canvas I wanted to find a mellow rock pool near Pavilions. However, the day was so stunning that the rocks were scattered with beaucoup tourists taking photos of themselves and I didn’t want an audience. Still the jaunt was worth it for this pooch pici....

Gaily forward to destination number two and as the sun wilted my weedy blooms I searched quickly for a vase for my arrangement. In hindsight I wish I’d been a little more patient and found a perfectly round pool instead of this glacier like formation – next time.

As I left this is what I saw this…..

“Message in a bottle”
“Don’t let the sun go down on me”
“Smoke on the water”
“Surfing USA”
“Oh I do like to be beside the seaside”

As a little aside my half sis used to date (and I really want to write shag ) Andy which I'm sure makes her an official piece of living art!

Ho'okipa daze.

Honestly-there’s never a dull moment at Ho'okipa, I went out at dusk looking for shots like this......

.......but was instead rewarded mightily with this! The classic part was that Fido's owner was actually in the middle ‘green room’ along with the dog leash. So this poor pooch was getting an altogether new kind of toilet training! Bow wow wow yippy yo yippy yea.

And talking of dogs.....

Finally, in the immortal words of Monty Python 'and now for something completely different' beach wedgies. Even in my pathetic attempt to curtail my own middle age by showing these young lovelies in a not so attractive light, youth wins. Pulling sandy knickers out of ones bum has never looked so good!

I'm a natural.

When it comes to water sports, a gifted athlete I’m not! In spite of this handicap, I still manage to have heaps of fun playing in the shallow end and at my own speed.

Going....

Going.....

Gone!

People watching at Kanaha.

Big people.

Little people.

Bent over people.

Excited people. Seeing his girlfiend leash up, bent over's boyfriend got a big woody (although technically I guess that’s his big epoxy)!

As an aside, there’s a little tool that appraises the education level required to read your blog. Hysterically and perhaps with a little too much credit after this post, mine rates at Elementary School level !