Surf and the city.

This morning we did our daily ladies walk, this time to the Alhambra gardens. After only three days Mum is speeding up her gait and doing really well. Her friend Ruth joined us and it was delightful to stroll, chat and listen to the melodic songs of the birds. I must be an old lady at heart because I’m quite partial to the pace!

After working up an appetite with the over 70’s club, I enjoyed a leisurely lunch in the city with my bro & Lesley. Gentrification is everywhere and the restaurant we dined at sits on what used to be the road between an old building and a new development. The feel is hip and modern but with history integrated and embraced. This trip Leeds feels like meeting an old friend who looks ten times better than when you last them. 'What about the food'? I hear you cry......well as we dined at an Italian Restaurant that flies all their ingredients in from Italy, it was fab! Lesley was in the loo from whence I just came and upon exiting the ladies, I'd marched boldly foward finding myself not as expected in the bar of Brio but the gents urinal! Hence the big grin.....or was that the Peroni?

Leeds is the fastest growing city in the UK and the skyline shows it. New glassy office blocks and apartment building are springing up everywhere especially along the River Aire. There’s even an O’Neil Surf shop in town and when I enquired how many surf boards they sold, the bloke said 'ummmm we don't really sell any'!

It turns out Lesley’s nephew was a windsurf instructor in Egypt for a few years. So while on a diving trip there, Red and Les showed up for the perfunctory family windsurf lesson. Chris, 25 (who mainly taught advanced students) wasn’t so much worried about the elder family novices embarrassing him, as he was my brothers Speedo’s! 'Baggies don't fit well in a wet suit' was/is my bros' excuse. Thank God the surf culture has permeated even the North of England as demonstrated here by our hero!

English country garden.

Upon taking a nice little walk this afternoon we ambled past a hedge and my Mum (who has a keen eye for the inappropriate) observed a plastic bag stuck in the shrubbery “I bet there’s dog shit in there” she said with authority! Neither one of us had the nerve to check, but I was still thinking about that plastic bag late into the evening. So forgoing Church on Sunday morning I did a little detective work to see if Mums hunch that some people will do anything to avoid prosecution was correct, thankfully she was wrong!

I’m on a (not so secret) mission to get my Mum walking this trip and so bought her a pedometer to make it fun. As an aside I counted the number of steps from Leeds to Maui and it was 14,831! Doctors recommend at least 2000 steps daily so despite the 17 hours of bum in seat, the only way I can explain my profuse activity must be excessive trips to the loo!
In my new role as fitness instructor we started out with a gentle meander through the Canal Gardens. It was a lovely sunny afternoon and awash with English visuals for eyes accustomed to swaying palm trees.


I often see people whose picture I want to capture, but fail to follow through due to awkwardness. I was telling Mum this whilst pointing out my muse on a nearby bench, when the urge to capture this handsome devil overrode my apprehension and I strode up to him asking permission to take his pici “I’ll break yer camera I will” he replied in true Yorkshire style. I’m not sure who’s smile was bigger, his or mine.

Homewood bound.

Eureka I made it to my first post-a high speed connection has not been the easiest thing for me to find in the old country...still here I am!

As I started my journey from one home to another, I realized that I was stopping along the way at the only four places I’ve ever lived on our big beautiful earth. 1989- Present: The brilliant little town of Makawao on the lower slopes of Haleakala, Maui. This epic little town is small in stature but large on personality. It supplies one shop of everything you need with a mixture of old world charm and new age calm.

1981-1989: How cool a sled is this to get picked up in on the way to Blighty?! Here is my best friend on the planet Jules, in her shagadellic convertible mini. She picked me up at SFO for a quick brekie between flights and we had a few quality hours of pure joy being in each others company.
San Francisco was home for many years when I first left the UK and I had some wild experiences there that I’ll save for another post! I never thought that I’d want to live anywhere else, but when I moved to Maui the feeling I experienced when I physically landed was an overwhelming sense that I was home.
1987-1989-Thanks to my good buddy Jules, I was set up with a killer job in London after I finished four years of college in Leeds. We worked (and I use that term loosly) at the Grosvenor House Hotel on London’s Park Lane. The Hotel has an apartments section that plays the roll of London’s HQ for many large American corporations and Jules and I were the two cheeky receptionists. How we got away with being drunk at work, sneaking into Sir.Rocco Forte’s office and generally goofing off under the thin guise of professionalism is a testament only to the fact the management was infinitely worse than we were!
1961-1987: Leeds, UK, home to a hand full of famous peeps including Peter O'Toole, Chris Moyles, Corrine Bailey Rae, Jimmy Saville and um…..well me! Yorkshire folk have a reputation of being hardy, forthright & funny. Or as my brother would say we call a spade a spade and not a hand operated earth inverting tool!

Old dog-new tricks.

Ooooooooooo I’ve been having fun the last few days. Between my big floaty board and the gentle super freak sails I’ve actually had moments of “I’m really sailing”. Trust me that's nothing short of a miracle given the number of tantrums and amount of frustration I've created along the way. To prove it here I am SMILING!
For those in the know…..this would have been a great ‘shove it’ if only the wind was blowing in the opposite direction!
Ha.....still SMILING! I’m just so bloody flabbergasted I can sail :-)
Lest I get too cocky, there is nothing like this sport to humble my lily white English ass. Yesterday as I sailed out on my first reach and hooked in, I watched the hook oh so casually keep on sliding out as I hadn't tightened the harness correctly! Mudafaka….I'm assuming there are a finite number of errors to experience and I can now happily cross off #23 “Be sure you've put your harness correctly”. Jesus, that’s kinda like “Be sure to remove the lens cap before taking a photo”! Anyway, I’m counting on not having to revisit error #23 again. Can’t wait to see what #24 is…………….

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Finally as this is my first historic windsurf post; let me bore the pants of you with this little vid.....proving (I think conclusively) that people from Leeds ought to stick to the land!

A recent mass exodus from Mokuahi Street.

All credit goes to my friend Floyd……he knows me well!

To blog or not to blog....?

I'm not much for things like '101 things you don't know about me' because honestly, unless you have a huge woody for that person, who really cares?! So, if you're of the same ilk you have been warned, this post kinda falls into the same catagory. Nonetheless I was checking Mediation Photography and came across his post about blogging burn-out (which I don't have) that asked some interesting questions that for some reason I wanted to answer. So I ‘borrowed them'……..

Q: Do you check your blog often just to see traffic and comments continuously? Why do you do that?
SP: But of course! Why- because if I’m at work it’s fun to skive off for a few minutes and the comments are like getting little surprise gifts.
Q: What happens if no-one reads your blog? Will you still write?
SP: Absolutely-it’s instant gratification creativity. Sometimes I just check my own blog to re-read what I’ve written because I like it so much!
Q: How much has blog affected your life?
SP: Well if you call waking up in the morning cozying up in bed with my lap top “affecting” my life…..then yes I guess it’s seeping in.
Q: Do you feel a subtle tension to go update, check blog and respond?
SP: The tension is there but its subtle like a roller coaster, climbing, climbing and then it peaks and it’s over and I don’t care anymore. With regard to responding to comments it’s like a mini conversation and if I feel so moved, I spout up.
Q: Can you say blogging is one of the positive influences in your life?
SP: Well I can say it’s become quickly habitual …is that positive? It’s entertaining-but sometimes I’m late for work and a few days ago we were later than I'd have liked for dinner because GP was posting, so that’s not so positive!
Q: How do you handle negativity on your blog? Do bad comments keep bothering you even after you walk away from your computer?
SP: I pretend it doesn’t matter, make all my friends read the miserable bastards scathing words then rehash my quippy off hand reply in 'word' for hours on end!
Q: What creative energy has been enhanced after you started blogging? Have you felt uplifted or does it feel like an obligation after sometime?
SP:My creative juices have a more constant flow due to the blog. I used to paint a lot more but that requires additional time. This is more on the fly, I see an image capture it with my camera & coupled with a remark-I’m done. Plus the public display aspect gives exposure with anonymity which is appealing. Also, I won’t post if I feel obliged-it takes all the fun out of it.
Q: Is blogging your way to tell the world how angry you feel about issues? Then do you not stay angry about the same thing after you write- or let it go?
SP:Nope-anger rarely shows up in my posts, it’s just my way of getting people to look (with me) at all the little oddities in the world-that’s all.
Q: Do you feel you have been disconnected from your world just because you are not updating blogs and making comments?
SP: Not even remotely.

Fame!

My friend Cheyenne & I were talking this morning about how miserable it must be to be well known. So, as luck would have it I walked in to Simmer Style this afternoon the dude behind the counter says “hey I know you, you’re…(slight pause) Sharon”! As I’d never met him before I got it right away….."from Giampaolo’s blog" ? I say. Ahhhh how the ego is seduced by recognition-I loved it and wasn’t miserable for one moment! Ok-Ok appease me it's only my second public recognition sighting, I'm sure I'll be over it by the third and not dedicate a whole post to it!

It turns our Mark sneaks over to my blog here and there as he’s thirsty for more windsurfing photo’s (bloody hell he must be parched by now)! So, as I was already on my way to H’oo to take pici’s, Mark these are for you so you can compare them with your morning sesh!

I'd say this one was a kite & a bit high......

BOOOOM!
PS: As if one “it’s you” wasn’t enough as I was finishing this post, GP walked in with a bag of goodies from another fan! I kid you not-gifts from Alcatraz! Thanks Eileen, I’ll wear the hat, drink the beer & play the tape (it will probably sound better if I drink a bit of GP’s beer)! Cheers.

Parents behaving badly.

Elena Kielelani Chamberlain was born to my friends Paul & Kacky yesterday. As a handy coincidence my bother sent me this pici earlier in the week. Duct tape wins again, and again and again, she has so much to look forward to!

Blog Burgler

From Kerry to Paul to me, coz funny just is funny :-)

No Self- No Problem.

Between my house and garden I have a total of four Buddha statues together with prayer flags on my back deck. I’m far from Buddhist but I’ve meditated for years and have even grown to like the smell of incense. I took lessons in Tibetan thangka (pronounced tonka) drawing with the lovely Terris Temple and am so proud of my achievements one exhibit even resides on my fridge! I have tickets to see the Dali Lama on April 25th and have just finished a four evening meditation class taught by the only Buddhist I know! If one reflected on these facts it may appear that the person in question was a closet case!
For me however, the statues are simply symbols of serenity and peace, while the flags come in vibrant lively colors that make me smile. I like to paint & draw & loved learning to use a piece of bamboo to perform the sacred measurements that allowed Buddha’s image to arise from my white page. As for the DL……well I have to confess I’m simply curious to see if His Holiness has any affect on the non Buddhist me at all. And the evening class, well that came about to help a friend and I received heaps of amazing new information that I will be chewing over for quite a while.

I think there are about eleven ‘I’s in this story – I'm (twelve) not sure if I (thirteen) protesteth too much or rest my case! I keep forgetting no self-no problem.

What are you reading?

When ever I think of the term ‘book club’ it conjures up images of blue hairs drinking tea and discussing the latest harlequin romance novel they've devoured (not that there’s anything wrong with that)!

And while I’m sure we’ll get there, six years into the evolution of our book club we’re dressing up like our heroines and discussing if we lost our virginity the ‘good’ or ‘bad’ way, all (of course) in the context of the book! How freakin’ cool & intellectual is that?!

I'm now just getting into our next book which is about the cultural, medical & spiritual clashes between Hmong & American cultures in 'The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down' by Anne Fadiman.
What are you reading?

Has anyone seen this man?!

Anyone who’s spent a considerable amount of time on Maui will recognize this character. We all seem to have our own name for him, Beardo, Cat In The Hat etc. though actually his real name is Dave!

While he has an air of homelessness about him, amusingly he & I seem to frequent the same places like Starbucks, concerts at the MACC and this morning Baldwin Beach where we were both enjoying a morning stroll. What the hell, perhaps he thinks I have an air of homelessness about me....which reminds me yet again to never judge a book by it's cover.

These are my people!

At dinner last night, while inflating Ely’s ego things got a bit carried away!

In contrast after dinner (and taking in to account 30 minutes of digestion) things settled down!

A quickie on Oahu.

This past weekend I popped over to Oahu to see my wonderful friends Floyd, Michael & Lehua. Sunrise crab catching is easy when your front door is just a minute from the beach. Leaving Floyd to sleep in, Michael, Lehua & I snuck out to catch the sunrise and it was a beautiful change as I am such a sunset girl at home. My chums rented a killer pad in Lanikai and this was our base camp for fun, relaxation and some long over due catch up.

Kailua is just minutes away and the water is a mesmerizing blue that just invites you to play in it.
Spot the imposter!

I don’t have many little people in my world so it was a treat to reconnect with Lehua. She’s a great kid, inquisitive, daring, smart, competitive and (refreshingly) feels like an eight year old. Not an 8 year old going on 15. I thought more than once this trip that it would be helpful if families had more than two parents, as always being the effective & conscious grown up is bloody hard work!
This was our football, volleyball, water polo ball, pool belly ball and egg that we hatched from our bums ball!
We packed a lot into a few days, Chef Mavro’s, speed, boogie boarding, night time and morning beach walks, Wynonna & the Honolulu Symphony, Chef Miller-Moynihans (killer grinds gents) Dim Sum, balloon art, cheating scrabble, and lots of great chat and laughs. It was great be back in the family bosom again and as always my sincere thanks for the abundance of experiences received. Until July........

The games people play.

I have no idea if I’ll ever go to Italy & meet GP’s parents and while I’m sure they’re as easy going as he is, the thought is hideously intimidating! As Europeans we are saturated with invisible prejudice without even knowing it. Shite like, the English hate the Germans, no ones too keen on the French but thumbs up all around to the Swiss. Now I live in a part of America where I’m not required to confront my class, upbringing or narrow mindedness, excellent! Instead I get to sit in my bubble surrounded by people who become comatose in the presence of what they consider to be a nice accent. It’s ridiculous really....

When I fantasize of the day that I may meet Dottore & Signora Cammarota the list of pre conceived ideas they will have of me (as I imagine it) is startling. English stereotypes; she can’t cook, she’s not one of us, is she of the right class (?) she wants another glass of wine, must she insist on wearing those union jack knickers at the dinner table and she has freckles....mamma mia! Not to mention the unconventional friendship I have with their son, che palle! That’s a lot of hurdles before I’ve even said “buon giorno”! Not to mention my uninformed opinions of them, dear god no one will be able to hear them selves think because of all that discrimination!
Still in my Makawao hideaway I make (in my invisible friend kinda way) small in roads to their liking me by (of all things) cooking, because god knows it won't be the language! I already measure my success via a secret scale beginning with Giampaolo, does he spit or swallow my food?! It’s like a warped video game, if he swallows then I advance to the next level, but still have to fight off all the dark archaic and sinister demons that surround the higher level of
‘i genitori’!

Tonight in my fantasy of ‘meet the parents’ I advanced a stage with my risotto ai cavolfiori. The good news is it looks like the picture in Jami Olivers example, the bad news is that if ‘i genitori’ had actually tasted it, all their inevitable ‘we told you so’s’ would have come true! Luckily though, I would whip out my handy deck of scopa cards which would so shock and delight them that I’d have them drinking Earl Gray & eating McVities before they could say ‘arrivederci'!
I win-I win!

Hana 2007

We seemed to have a water theme this past Hana weekend. With the chance of 40% precipitation-trust me-Hana style, I was prepared to stay inside our cozy little cabana for a few days. In the area of Hanalei on Kauai the ancient Hawaiians had 17 distinct names for the different kinds of rain that fell on their land, I’m sure it was no different in Hana and we lucked out only experiencing a few of the rains personalities this weekend. With impressive water features in every direction it was hard to know where to look!

Of course without all that moisture there would be no rain forest, waterfalls, lush vegetation & creatures that make up the magnificence of this sacred little spot on the planet. In contrast the County of Maui (in its infinite wisdom) sent a different kind of drizzle to the sides of the road in the form of ‘round up'! So while I’m sure there are a myriad of good reasons for this, looking at brown poisoned plants on the roadside for much of the drive out was not matching my ideal tropical pictue!
It’s great to unplug from the grid (though GP was disappointed in the coconut wireless reception). No cell phone, no computer, not even a phone in our cabana, heaven. Nature just unfolds before you doing its thing and personally I love being surrounded by it, feeling like the speck that I am and it the dominant force….which of course is the truth of it.
Anyway…...you can take the girl of England but I always have a trusty umbrella and a wooly jumper handy especially in the tropics!
Here’s Hana’s own Ola Eleogram executing one of the many of the 360’s we saw him do at Hamoa. Sweeeeeeeeeeeeet!

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And finally.....I had the bright idea that if we stepped into the bamboo forest we’d be able to record the sound. Good idea-poor execution!

Sharon Paley's Diary

Number of Fags 0
Number of beers: On my first one.
Public recognition by fan base: 2
Public humiliation by celeb: 1

In desperate attempt to become windsurfing goddess dragged sagging arse to beach for sorely misguided attempt to look cool. Sunny day, lots of wind and not many handsome your surfer types to fake rigging ability in front of. Hurrah!

Spent too much time searching for optimal outfit to look like cool sailor chick due to ‘wet look’ being unattractive and producing unwanted emphasis on sticky-out ears and large (father inherited) nose. Bugger.

Supremely cool Italian windsurfer non boyfriend at beach so must stay dry and out of water as long as possible so as not to botch later possibility of sexual encounter. Sit on chair expressing regret at light wind conditions-plan working well.

Dammit….cannot postpone any longer. Whilst attempting first beach launch supremely cool Italian windsurfer non boyfriend sails by and says man on beach has something to say to me. “I read Giampaolo’s blog and now I read yours”. Giddy moment feeling very superstar like, with fan hand-me-downs.

Delirious with moment of recognition, am also instant windsurf goddess of my fantasies and sail out to prove it. SCIWNB now at beach ready to give tips to big ears-great. Calculated likelihood of being dumped and dying alone due to fit, young, tanned, small eared, tight assed, able to jibe, sexy athletic hottie - depressingly high.

Still, do remarkably well and with SCIWNB encouragement have massive windsurf goddess breakthrough by placing feet in foot straps for at least TWO SECONDS!Hurrah! Am shamelessly thrilled and feel possibility of evening shag rising.

Quit while I’m ahead and young hot surfer type asks me” Do you have any tips as to how to sail back to the same point-you were doing so well” Have to restrain myself from running over & hugging him-instead nonchalantly laugh and quip ‘I’ve no tips as I have no idea how I did it myself”!

Flushed with success (for second time in an hour) at being recognized am smiling a lot, also good visual distraction as looking cool whilst wet proves elusive. Struggled to undo out-haul so casually get harness to produce more leverage (like pro sailor type) but the words “I think you’re making it tighter” land at my feet from Fred Hayward-famous windsurfing fossil. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck fuck. Coyly accept help and swiftly scuttle away secretly thrilled at big day. Am officially at new super cool athletic level, must discretely drop news into all conversations possible over next week.

Don't let this happen to you!

Part 1:I'm going windsurfing today and after watching this little nugget I'm already extremely grateful for every earth bound face plant I’ll do! Nothing like a little perspective to brighten the day :-)

Part 2:Sacre bleu-its 6:34am and not an Earl Gray tea bag in the house! Note to self must fire the housekeeper. My day is now an experiment like getting out of bed on the wrong side on purpose, I hope it won’t reflect in my windsurfing.

It was good while it lasted!

(AP) -- Study: Fellatio may significantly decrease the risk of breast cancer in women.

How did I miss the clues?! Thanks Paul for setting me straight. As the disclaimer says; The names alone suffice to expose the text as a spoof: Dr. B.J. Sooner. Dr. Inserta Shafteer. Dr. Len Lictepeen. This is clearly not an Associated Press news story.

The text first appeared, dolled up to look exactly like a CNN News Web page, on a college student's Web site in early October 2003. It vanished without explanation soon afterward, only to reappear 24 hours later with a disclaimer stating that the story, which now bore the byline "Brandon Williamson," was intended "for entertainment purposes only." (A subsequent version was also stripped of all references to CNN, presumably due to threats of litigation.)

How’s that for an instant karmic ass kicking for the Royal post?!

God Save the Queen!

Ok here’s the scoop. I’m a card carrying Royalist, an old fashioned Brit that just loves the fact that the UK has a Royal Family and normally I don’t want hear a cross word said against them. Peeps who know me would (I think) concur that I have a good sense of humor, but I often loose that when the Windsor’s are thrown under the bus, until now!
I tried to show a bit of respect (and failed) by making the pictures a bit smaller but oh my word, these are just too good not to share! It’s my bro’s fault coz he forwarded these gems to me today. May the Queen Mum forgive me and not turn in her grave as I titter at her expense. Oh I feel awful putting these silly pics on the web but I just can’t help it coz they make me laugh. It will make me post again quickly, so I'll feel better-like I'm covering them up with a blankie!

White trash.

Just a reminder that for every beautiful waterfall and sun drenched vista there is its grim and sad opposite. I’ve been frequenting the dump a lot lately and the plastic bag trees are definitely in bloom. I feel suffocated just looking at this.

Toilet humour

I was rummaging around for a good post and stumbled across this little gem forwarded from my bro a few years ago. Yes, it is a real bathroom located in th Sofitel Hotel in Queenstown, New Zealand.

My favorite comment was that the artsy loo had brought a couple of complaints from church goers and a couple of hundred people wanting to take a look! Evidenty it is five star hotels most popular room.....

So my curiosity was peeked about loo art and look what else I found. How about this classic latrine exhibit outside the Tate in London. It’s a fully functioning loo with one way mirrored glass so you can pee & see, but not be seen. Fantastic...I wonder if you have to pay 25p to use it?