Number of Fags 0
Number of beers: On my first one.
Public recognition by fan base: 2
Public humiliation by celeb: 1
In desperate attempt to become windsurfing goddess dragged sagging arse to beach for sorely misguided attempt to look cool. Sunny day, lots of wind and not many handsome your surfer types to fake rigging ability in front of. Hurrah!
Spent too much time searching for optimal outfit to look like cool sailor chick due to ‘wet look’ being unattractive and producing unwanted emphasis on sticky-out ears and large (father inherited) nose. Bugger.
Supremely cool Italian windsurfer non boyfriend at beach so must stay dry and out of water as long as possible so as not to botch later possibility of sexual encounter. Sit on chair expressing regret at light wind conditions-plan working well.
Dammit….cannot postpone any longer. Whilst attempting first beach launch supremely cool Italian windsurfer non boyfriend sails by and says man on beach has something to say to me. “I read Giampaolo’s blog and now I read yours”. Giddy moment feeling very superstar like, with fan hand-me-downs.
Delirious with moment of recognition, am also instant windsurf goddess of my fantasies and sail out to prove it. SCIWNB now at beach ready to give tips to big ears-great. Calculated likelihood of being dumped and dying alone due to fit, young, tanned, small eared, tight assed, able to jibe, sexy athletic hottie - depressingly high.
Still, do remarkably well and with SCIWNB encouragement have massive windsurf goddess breakthrough by placing feet in foot straps for at least TWO SECONDS!Hurrah! Am shamelessly thrilled and feel possibility of evening shag rising.
Quit while I’m ahead and young hot surfer type asks me” Do you have any tips as to how to sail back to the same point-you were doing so well” Have to restrain myself from running over & hugging him-instead nonchalantly laugh and quip ‘I’ve no tips as I have no idea how I did it myself”!
Flushed with success (for second time in an hour) at being recognized am smiling a lot, also good visual distraction as looking cool whilst wet proves elusive. Struggled to undo out-haul so casually get harness to produce more leverage (like pro sailor type) but the words “I think you’re making it tighter” land at my feet from Fred Hayward-famous windsurfing fossil. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck fuck. Coyly accept help and swiftly scuttle away secretly thrilled at big day. Am officially at new super cool athletic level, must discretely drop news into all conversations possible over next week.