Wednesday, March 28, 2007

The games people play.

I have no idea if I’ll ever go to Italy & meet GP’s parents and while I’m sure they’re as easy going as he is, the thought is hideously intimidating! As Europeans we are saturated with invisible prejudice without even knowing it. Shite like, the English hate the Germans, no ones too keen on the French but thumbs up all around to the Swiss. Now I live in a part of America where I’m not required to confront my class, upbringing or narrow mindedness, excellent! Instead I get to sit in my bubble surrounded by people who become comatose in the presence of what they consider to be a nice accent. It’s ridiculous really....

When I fantasize of the day that I may meet Dottore & Signora Cammarota the list of pre conceived ideas they will have of me (as I imagine it) is startling. English stereotypes; she can’t cook, she’s not one of us, is she of the right class (?) she wants another glass of wine, must she insist on wearing those union jack knickers at the dinner table and she has freckles....mamma mia! Not to mention the unconventional friendship I have with their son, che palle! That’s a lot of hurdles before I’ve even said “buon giorno”! Not to mention my uninformed opinions of them, dear god no one will be able to hear them selves think because of all that discrimination!
Still in my Makawao hideaway I make (in my invisible friend kinda way) small in roads to their liking me by (of all things) cooking, because god knows it won't be the language! I already measure my success via a secret scale beginning with Giampaolo, does he spit or swallow my food?! It’s like a warped video game, if he swallows then I advance to the next level, but still have to fight off all the dark archaic and sinister demons that surround the higher level of
‘i genitori’!

Tonight in my fantasy of ‘meet the parents’ I advanced a stage with my risotto ai cavolfiori. The good news is it looks like the picture in Jami Olivers example, the bad news is that if ‘i genitori’ had actually tasted it, all their inevitable ‘we told you so’s’ would have come true! Luckily though, I would whip out my handy deck of scopa cards which would so shock and delight them that I’d have them drinking Earl Gray & eating McVities before they could say ‘arrivederci'!
I win-I win!

16 comments:

Ely from NYC said...

My advice to you Sharon,

Be yourself and get a good therapist!

Why conform to an ideal that only you think other people have of you? Often if we try to please others without knowing what really pleases them (or know who they really are for that matter), it usually
backfires with humorous or devastating consequences (or something in between).

And if people that you hope to have love you are prejudiced or xenophobic towards you then get them the hell out of your life!

Finally, If someone doesn't like your Union Jack knickers or knockers, they have no taste (or pulse)!

My 2 cents.

Sharon said...

LOL-excellent advise all round, oh to be a child at your school! Tell your mother she should raise the fees!

Taking your lead, my new menu for the fantasy non in-laws would be a British classic 'beans on toast'. Trust me that would be both humerous & devastating!

Lim said...

Tell them you can't cook and that your professional occupation is to rate gourmet foods from all over the world and publish results in a renown magazine .... they might just feel pressured to impress YOU with their cooking instead !!!
=P

Anonymous said...

Spits or Swallows!? :)

Great advice Ely, I am in the process of filtering my predjudice friends, its a very fulfilling exercise.

Lano,

cammar said...

What, you wonna go to my parents house and cook?... You gotta be nuts!!!

Ultimately... what da hell do you care what my parents will think about you?
I didn't care what Mater70 was going to think about me and so I behaved like myself and she ended up liking me... well, sort of...

I don't care what the entire world thinks about me... am I that weird?
The times when I changed my behavior in order to have people (well... mostly girls) like me have been over for a while...

Allright, allright, I hope you just wanted to be funny... but I'm afraid you really are worried!
Take it easy sistah.

Nancy said...

Sharona-
Here is what I know to be true about you:
You are a successful business owner. (even if you have a panic button on your computer key board)
You own your own house on Maui..for many this is a dream.
You have a ton of friends who love you for who you are...not what they think you should be.
You have a fun "Non" boyfriend who adores you and does not give a shit what his parents think of you...so why should you? The way I look at it, it is there loss if they do not see you for who you really are....besides you are a bad liar, don't try to be anyone but you!
We all love ya man!

Nancy said...

oh...word correction "their" not "there".Sorry, I know how you are about mis-spelled words...another thing you are good at....correcting!! :-)

mater70 said...

But not as good as her Mama Nancy!
What the hell are your trying to do Sharon - propose to the man via his parents? I'm with Ely on this one, my God your anxieties come up big time on this entry.

GP, you know I love you for what you are, a horny little toad with a love of McVities plain chocolate biscuits and no committment plans. Why don't you come and stay with me when Sharon comes home?

Ely, enjoy your Maui visit and knock some sense into my girl.

Ely from NYC said...

Wow, Mater. I finally have you on my side. I am deeply honored. Now you want me to knock up your daughter, that's the highest priviledge a mom has ever offered me.

Sorry, as a guy, I had to pounce on that one!

And Lalo, Thanks! You jumped on the other one--nice.

Right on the money, Nancy!

cammar said...

Nancy, here's a sentence that drive my brain crazy: "Their house is there and they're home". Three different words/spellings/meanings, same pronunciation.
And how about "the dove dove in the bush"... same spelling different pronunciation.
English spelling and pronunciation rules are fucked up.

Mater, thanks for the invite.. I did think about paying a visiti, but it's not going to work this time... maybe next! And thanks for that perfect profile of myself!

mater70 said...

Ely, if my daughter will let herself "get knocked up" by you (what a delightful expression) feel free - I'd love to be a Grandmama - at least you can spell and seem to have a modicum of intelligence, that's not bad for starters in a new gene pool:-)

GP I love the way you question the English language - you both speak and spell it so much better than many so-called English people.
However, why couldn't the dove have flown into the tree rather than dove? It's like plough, cough, though, same spellings with different pronunciations. Hence my admiration for your abilities.

Sorry you can't visit this time - however, you don't need Sharon to come to receive an invitation - it's open-ended. BUT, if she thinks I'm able, maybe I'll get to Maui before you get to England, I'd love to visit one more time.

Nancy said...

gp...I am with Mater...I give you a lot of credit learning another language..and even though it drives your brain crazy as you say,the fact that you get that there are different meanings to how the word is spelled is pretty amazing.

Ely: Thanks!

nikinpos said...

From my personal experience it's a whole lot easier if you accpet that in their eyes you will NEVER be a good cook, so don't even bother trying.
If you EVER accept more that on e glass of wine, or heaven forbid a 'superalcolico', you will be classed as an alcoholic, which doens't bother me at all.
And those freckles? Parents don't teach their kids what freckles are, so you'll get kids pointing at you saying "Mamma, whats that lady got on her face and arms?" Then all the people in the vicinity will stop and stare as if you have the plague.
Oooh, ye, I just looove living in Italy, can ya tell?

Sharon said...

Hello my name is Sharon and I’m a recovering people pleaser!

Well, what I thought was a creative piece of writing inspired some interesting comments. So now I have a therapy appt on Monday, am switching careers to become a food critic while becoming pregnant with Ely’s baby (with my mothers blessing), then popping my over to the Cammarota’s for lunch to get sloshed!

Nancy said...

obviously Sharon- we all have too much time on our hands!
great come back!

mater70 said...

That's my girl - welcome back:-)

Just accept one suggestion, give Bridget Jones a miss for a while - write your own story.