Sunday, December 23, 2007


I was doing errands in Wailuku and turned around to see this lovely site and my first thought was ‘that image would make a great jigsaw'. Oh and for the record I’m an atheist!
Numerous clients at work (who I guess are trying to be funny) seem to have the misconception that living on Maui all we do is drink Mai-Tais and go to the beach-idiots. Oh yeah- here is our whole office team stepping out for lunch and while we weren’t exactly drinking Mai Tai’s or at the beach, girls still have to eat. It’s a rough life.....
Sandblasted Santa… Mele kalikimaka!

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Change is inevitable.

There’s been some radical upheaval lately not only with our recent storm but in the lives of people close to me. It gives pause for introspection and my favorite poet David Whyte poses the following question: “What is your next step in life”? To check-in with yourself just look at your current existence in any given nano second. So, if all of a sudden you were to find yourself dropped out of nowhere reading this blog with a voice saying; “ OK- this is your life……if it were offered to you right now (as is) would you take it”? Then you spit out your love, car, friendship, money, spiritual, work, family tally and answer his question.

So would I want this life......?

You have multiple friends that help you through the tough times and in the good times feed your spirit & soul.
You have a business partner who you trust, adore and admire.
You are crap at languages and grammar and this bugs you.
You hang out with a man who makes me laugh and helps you grow.
You have money in the bank for a rainy day.
Your skin is a bit saggy.
You own a non-precious truck that is reliable and paid for.
You have no addictions and are in good health.
You have a tendency to worry too much.
You are happy alone and love good company..
You have a little family back in UK that you'd like to see more.
You are a jack of all trades master of none.

My answer would be ‘hell – yes”, because god knows I could have this blokes job! So PHEW, no radical changes to be made today. Though as Whyte rightly points out most of us would go “well I like this, this and this, but do I have to take this bit as well”?! So what is my next step in life? Well, as it’s working beautifully right now I’m not going to alter a thing (Ok perhaps I’ll work-out more consistently, get rid of my rotting couch and get back on the water). However, ask me again soon as anyone’s world can alter in a heartbeat and as we all know, the only thing constant is change.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

All I want for Christmas......

I thought and I thought and I thought and all I really want for Christmas is for my sis-in-law to be out the other side of her health journey, happy, healed and whole. Santa told me ‘no problem little girl, the gift of good health-consider it done'.

Sunday, December 02, 2007


I kept on thinking, if Lanes looks like this, Jaws must be going off?! I wouldn’t be surprised to see a rapidly edited, stocking stuffer dvd 'Dec 1st 2007' on the shelves soon!

Anyway I planted my arse on the bluff yesterday (along with everyone else who owned a camera) and there’s simply no way anyone didn’t walk away with some great shots.

I was surreptitiously located to get a little ‘how to’ video of Jason Polakow launching from the rocks. The rock hopper types must develop some extra sensory penguin gripping ability in their feet because I have no doubt most of us would slip even sans equipment!

Clearly he made it.

Or did he? He was a cheeky, perky happy chappy on the way out and only slightly more reflective upon his return! Mudafuka who wouldn’t be after a wipe out,swim and then faced with people like me taking pictures like this!

It really was the perfect Kona storm as there was enough of a wave to let a few talented surfers have some fun on an empty playing field. ‘Come on lads what was wrong with that one’?! (oh yeah it's a massive close-out).

More bettah!

Personally I’m not a fan of Kona winds. They blow my fur the wrong way and I experience a mellow undertow of agitation. Thankfully not everyone feels the same way and watching natures combustible forces coupled with such windsurfing/surfing athletic prowess, I was reluctant to remove myself from such a juicy vortex.

As today’s forecast is for a smaller version of yesterday, guaranteed I’ll have another cuppa, pack a lunch and head down the hill for the next installment.

Here's a of wee video I took to give you a better feel of how crazy this last Kona session was.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Toilet training.

Jules putting a happy spin on a grim loo moment.

If only she'd known about the toilet paper genie!

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Thanksgiving every day.

It’s great to be a tourist in a place you are familiar with as there isn’t the urgency to run around and see the sites. Such was the case Thanksgiving day when I thought “I'll take the trolly to the end of the line and see what happens”. What happened was my feet started protesting at the thought of walking from Fisherman’s Wharf to the Marina, at the exact same time I passed a bicycle rental shop!

Perfection. Another stunning clear blue day, a saddle to sit on and I was a happy camper peddling toward the Golden Gate Bridge. Since I was here last they’ve opened up a whole new pathway that leads to the base of the first tower. And shock of shocks, there’s a decent wave there! Plus, not much of a line up giving plenty of room on the wave (just gotta watch out for that one big bastard submerged rock) and some decent sets. True, the entry/exits and the water quality/temperature leave a little to be desired but other than that, Michelle would have been in like Flynn! Naturally an audience gathers and on a couple of waves I heard ‘oooooooooo’ and then a polite round of applause. Classic.

Dinner at the Demasi household is always an event. Jules pulled out all the nosh stops and for most of us around the table there was a warm fuzzy feeling of nostalgia from the memories of dinners past.

However, with nearly all the ‘kids’ now in their early twenties there was more of a club element between courses than normal! Luckily the furniture held out and the only victim was a Royal Dolton plate!

As I was leaving the poker table was just being set up as priorities shifted from eating to dancing to gambling. I could barley get hugs goodbye from those embroiled in liars dice and could not lie myself, bed was now my better offer.

PS: I love this photo of Bournemouth meets LA, Sylvie and Sean doing their own generation game sofa dance.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Walk about.

Remember when your goldfish wasn’t feeling well and he’d float to the surface desperately gulping for air? Well my desire to breathe wasn’t that dramatic, but today I did feel that same sort of ‘want’ for greenery. So after a quick trip to the Haight I legged it to Golden Gate Park and dove right into the deep end and entered the Conservatory of Flowers.

Nothing like a bit of home to make you feel at home, all those bromeliads, orchids, ferns, bananas, hibiscus, anthuriums, etc most of which seem to grow in my garden! Though I confess for the smell the water lilies I have to jump in my truck and drive to my chum Martins house.

I grew up walking; to school, the shops, my friend’s houses and if it was too far to walk I just took the bus. Consequently, I have moments on Maui of ‘car dependent frustration’ and am always happy to find myself in a walking city. Hence, in the bliss of the park I just started strolling, relishing the smell of eucalyptus and taking in the pleasure of being off the cities 'eat-shop-work' hamster wheel.

It was a clear, cloudless, warm autumn day and I needed a beach, so a few hours later my stroll had become a hike and I found myself at the ocean. It’s not exactly a crop circle, but I like it! I was starving so went to the new and improved Cliff House and tucked into a bowl of squash soup and Ahi sashimi fortifying myself and contently watching the surfers and seagulls which (I swear to God) are the size of small dogs.

4pm; what a bloody lovely day, as I stepped back outside it was a bit nippy (those surfers are mental catching that slop) so I donned scarf and gloves and said to hell with the bus and walking, TAXI!

Monday, November 19, 2007

Back to the future.

When I left England in 1981 with my best mate Jules to ‘follow our noses’ around the world, I had no idea that all locations we'd pointed to on the map would disappear upon touch down in the US. First stop San Francisco and that remained home until I got on a plane to move to Maui six and a half years later!

So as I sit in my sexy ‘W’ hotel room in San Francisco enjoying a week of city life, room service and mod-cons the memories come flooding back. BTW-if you too want a light changing Buddah....he's yours for just $310.00.

It was a crazy time and our flat mate across the hall (as a gesture of welcome I’m sure) started posting tiny little envelopes under our door. It was a bit creepy (to say the least) and when we opened up the miniture wrappers they contained a white power that we could only assume was cocaine. Not knowing what to do and not wanting to offend (you can take the girls out of England) we gathered up all the packets and wrote a polite note back of ‘thanks for the lovely offer of narcotics, but we’re more the booze and fags kinda girls’. Now I think about it, with language like that we’re lucky a leather clad-buffed out-Polk Street ‘top’ didn’t come a knocking!

Walking around the city today I realized that I consider the environment on Maui to be my good friend and without her I fall in step with everyone else and start to over consume (OK –just a lipstick and one pair of shoes-so far….).
Of course nature is available here, but it takes effort to get to it and the easy way out is to not bother and numb your mind with desire for stuff and ‘excuse me may I please have a latte’?! I have the same routine on Maui but the desire is to windsurf or romp in nature and the latte is my snack and water afterwards!

So yesterday, instead of nature I went to a Museum of Modern Art and had a blast. I saw an exhibition and went on a tour explaining the work of James Cornells creative genius and felt the deep satisfaction of being exposed to something new and interesting.

The day ended perfectly when I finally hooked up with said best mate Jules, her beau Ed and one of their two lovely offspring, Gemma. They’re cooking for 12 on Thanksgiving day and decided to bypass kitchen safety and get their knife cuts in early! Now thats love.....

Monday, November 12, 2007


I’ve mentioned before that (for the most part) I’m a rule follower.

Do not feed the birds.
Start line here.
Please take a number.
Do not tread on the grass.
8 items or less.
Please do not disturb.
Turn left on green arrow only.
Plastic only please.
Five garments only in changing room.
Do not feed the animals.

So why oh why would I see this sign and ignore it’s warning? I’ll tell you why….because it provided rock star parking and I figured as I always follow the rules; this one wouldn’t apply to me!

Wrong! A coconut fell on the roof of my truck, cracked the clear coat and whilst it looked like an innocent dent for a while, fast forward 3 years and hey presto - one ruined paint job! Happily my truck is functional and not precious so I don’t care, but every time I drive past Paia Bay I sneak a peak at that sign and am reminded that ‘Instant karmas gonna get you, Gonna knock you right on the head you better get yourself together Pretty soon you’re gonna be dead’ Thanks for the reminder John……..I got it!

'How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours'. Wayne Dyer

Monday, November 05, 2007

Any ideas?

Indulge me if you will as I’m generally not a moaner and groaner; however I think a good rant might be quite cathartic, so here goes.

In an effort to find the magic cure for migraines I have undergone the following over the last few years.

Acupuncture (on going)
Allergy tests (mild aversion to coconut)
Blood work (lots of it)
Cholesterol checked (all good)
Cranial sacral therapy (on going)
CT scan (as an aside that they didn’t find a reason for the headaches but they did find a 50% blocked left carotid artery and I was recommended to go to Stanford for a cranial angiogram!) Happy to report Stanford tuned me down J
Diet changes (sugar, alcohol and caffeine are no longer my good friends)
Daily beta blockers for 18 months (suffocated my personality under a blanket of medicine)
Ear nose & throat examined (clean as a whistle)
Exercise and no exercise (given up biking and surfing due to doctors orders)
Eye tests (love my specs)
Hormones checked (no menopause yet…..!)
Ibuprophen (rare I go a day without it)
Massage (on going)
Medical Psychic (Not getting enough protein, especially for animals)
Naturopath (Stay away from protein, especially animals)
Physical therapy (on going)
Relpax as needed (easily a packet a month)
Rolfing (on going and it hurts!)
Supplements (on going)
Teeth examined for leaking mercury (despite UK doorstop sized fillings all good)
And finally, had 25 friends stand in a circle and chant three times ‘no more headaches’ and still at this stage I am the recipient of at least two low end migraines a week and numerous other ‘ordinary headaches’. Wotdafuck is up with that?

Can I just have a moment and shout at the top of my lungs “ I’m sick to fucking death of this bullshit and want my good health back” It’s completely dumfounding to my logical brain that after this much expertise, money, time and effort I have not found the frickin’ cure that will keep this beast permanently at bay.

You have no idea how much this low end Chinese torture can mess with the mind and more importantly my social plans! Allow me a little exaggeration here, but it feels like I have been either going into or coming out of a headache for the last 3-4 years and let me tell you, it’s a big fucking drag.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, wow if feels really good to get mad, I almost don’t want to spoil it by letting you know the blessings and blessing in disguise due to this temporary monkey on my back! But I simply won’t let ‘mad’ have the upper hand so here goes;

A true sense of love from my friends and family as they don’t glaze over with boredom at the repetition of my same old story (or if they do they disguise it well)!

A clean bill of health in all other departments as everything but my colon has been looked at. (yes, yes, yes I know a colonic is on the to-do list).

A rolodex full of information that I can pass onto others regarding what has worked and not worked for me.

A team of wonderful practitioners and healers that due to knowing me well from the headaches were able to easily shift gears and assist invaluably with all aspects of my surgery.

An overall improvement in my diet and health consciousness.

Significant progress was made for about 5 months, so even though I have temporarily slipped back, I know that if I keep taking the highroad to wellness it will be my reality.

I feel compelled to state I’m not looking for sympathy, I’m looking for solutions, so if you have any thoughts, ideas or crazy treatments that I haven’t listed, give me shout. As the saying goes, 'if nothing else is available clutch at straws'. So let me state for the record, while I know Botox is an option that’s another treatment along with the colonic that I’m not pushing to be first in line for!

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Never too old to be a kid.

I look upon little Tess and witness her unbounded possibility from my conventional, curbed and good mannered observation deck

How confusing for her that it’s OK to draw with chalk on the ground, on your legs but not on the furniture? How extraordinary that she doesn’t complain or struggle when spoken to in both Italian and English and will speak back to you in equal doses of both. How genuinely she carries her little stuffed lamb in a blanket, cradling it one moment with the nurturing of a mother and throwing it high as a ball into the garden the next.

I feel quite dull in comparison....conformity (I am a card carrying member) definitely has its place but bloody hell, spend any time with a kid and your blinkers are immediately ripped off in the most delightful, playful and innocent way.

We all have the same naive start and I have turned out to be an obedient servant who does not tread on the grass and queues politely. Good grief, I’ve gotta spend more time with the keiki - mark up the furniture and chalk it up to a good time.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Playing dress up.

One of my favorite aphorisms is "a wasted weekend is not a weekend wasted" and while that actually does not apply to the last few days (or few years now I think about it) I imagine the pictures below indicate otherwise! Happy Halloween :-)

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Home improvement.

I think the key to successful home ownership is to have a crew of honest, reliable, affordable and (as a bonus), tasty men to assist you. Inevitably house parts that make up the whole wear out or break and while I do a lot, some repair and work should definitely be left for the experts.

There is also the cheap-fast-good factor, meaning you only ever get two out of the three aforementioned options. So if you’re a cheap bastard don’t moan about the bloke who does a good job and takes his time. Conversely if you need the job done immediately (if not sooner) I suggest you pay well to get the task done right, coz if he’s fast and cheap then ladies as we all know….he won’t be good!

I have gathered quite a collection of men and decided I should rate them. I was surprised to see that getting things done quickly by a hunk –a-hunk of burning love is not my priority!
The roofer & tiler........X..........................X..........X
The mr.fix- it.............X..........................X.............
The chef...................X.............X............X...........X
The gardener..............X..........................X...........X
The electrician............X...........................X.............
The mechanic.............X...........................X...........X
The bug man............................X.............X.............
The painter................X.............X...........................
The lover...................X.............X.........................X

Anyway this weekend Mr.fix-it was here and we crossed 11 items off the list of 14 which was progress indeed, my favorite being the new storage for my boards etc. He created a simple rack that is total perfection as the PVC rolls when I take the items in and out, in and out and in and out which I did a lot just to received the pure satisfaction of the system working so well :-)

Bloody hell, it’s a good job the lovers tasty!

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Kiss of the Spiderwoman.

Anyone who knows me is well aware of how jumpy I am. I’ve lost track of the number of times that a poor unsuspecting friend has jumped out of their skin because of my reaction to ‘the thing’ which, (more often then not) was a stray hair or paper clip cunningly plotting to scare me to death.

So now I’ve clarified my disposition; let me take you to CafĂ© Mambo in Paia on Friday night. It was lively, full of happy patrons and I’d just finished a good dinner with friends and was taking a moment to look around to see who was out and about. As I started looking over my left shoulder I was not expecting to look into the eyeball of a HUGE cane spider......ok-it wasn’t that big but it was ‘right there’ where nothing alive and crawling is ever supposed to be.

I became an Olympic champion on every banned substance known to man and simultaneously screamed, grabbed the nearest bicep and started yelling (as one does) “GET IT - GET IT - GET IT OFF ME - GET IT OFF ME”!

The bicep moved into action and the deadly finger flicking was swift and accurate as the spider was sent hurtling toward its doom, but not before it bounced off Michelle’s arm (a body part clearly not to be messed with) plummeted to the ground, bounced off the tile floor and came to rest...officially D.O.A.

Dear God I think I gave more than one person a fright with that little escapade, but madafuka, hands up all those who would have behaved differently! Of course as with all interactions involving man verses beast, the poor spider was the only true victim and I can only hope he didn’t know what flicked him.

No spiders were harmed in the making of this reenactment!

Saturday, September 29, 2007

My fair lady.

Even after a good nights sleep, I think my senses are still in overload after last nights visit to the Maui County Fair. I don’t know what came over me as I usually avoid it like the plague, but I was drawn to see the prize winning veggies, take a looksie at the photo’s and stare at the children getting scared and dizzy on the rides. Must be the full moon.

I suspect most western countries have their own version of a traveling fair with, games rides and local contests for everything home-grown in the area. Maui is no exception "oh look dear, Colin’s Round-Head Cock came in first again and how about this Cuban Cock, my word, isn’t he a beauty”. Personally I fall in line behind Austin Powers and the things that scare him, “Carnies. Circus folk. Nomads, you know. Smell like cabbage. Small hands”.

For a mere $4.00 you too may enter the maze of community noise, lights, people, candy floss, teenagers, music, strollers, screaming, arts, crafts and creativity (all in a smoke free environment) but after a few hours a break was in order. Like a pair of old people we gratefully sat down and ate our Dahma center vegetarian food and took a much needed moment. That was the beginning of the end as my senses slowed down like an unplugged hard drive; then I realized we were actually fortifying ourselves for the energy it would take to navigate ‘the leave’!

As we started our journey back to the car I stood and stared at 20 people suspended upside down in the night sky, Giampaolo nudged me with an angelic smile on his face. "Look" he said, I did, at the group of 16 year old girls stood directly in front of us “what” I said. “don’t you see”? I watched their flirty behavior I cross examined them searching for the attraction he was drawn to and I didn’t get it "no, do I know them”? “look again” he said and then I saw it. The big amber orb of our moon hanging low and beautiful in the sky and my senses rested.

PS: Author exhibiting enormous maturity in the path of a giant Zucchini!

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

It's all about me.

With a distinct lack of anything to post, this is best I could come up with.

Me basked in a sunset glow sporting my $10.00 Longs Drugstore (I forgot my $200.00 Maui Jim) sunglasses! Wotdafuk bugs the crap out of me that the market can bare such grotesque over pricing and even worse, that I buy into it!

Value, it’s a strange and wondrous variable that ebbs and flows with what ever is important to me in the moment. Normally I wouldn’t be seen dead wearing such cheapies, but going to the beach without shades was not an option. So what price was I willing to pay to allow my eyes to rest for the afternoon behind a pair of non polarized specs? Well it turns out I’m quite a cheap bastard because the threshhold showed up quickly at $15.99 and then I found these at $9.99, score!

Sunday, September 23, 2007

North and South.

My sunset walks are working! The gentle massaging received by my internal organs & tissue feels like an affectionate awakening after a short hibernation. Love this woman, her priorities match mine..... :-)

On the South shore it's possible to have quite the Robinson Cruso experience, including the appearance of a second set of footprints with no one site! I confess I looked over my shoulder once or twice, but all I saw was a solo sandpiper tenaciously foraging for its dinner. She played cat and mouse with the waves sometimes flying & singing, but mostly escaping like a roadrunner to avoid being swamped by the shore break. She didn’t always make it.

On Maui’s North shore, walking on the beach for an hour actually takes you an hour and a half because you always run into someone you know.Case in point, last night after ambling at sunset with Ulli, Michelle and GP we rewarded our efforts (as one does) with a cold beer and were soon joined by Max (who has a wet nose) taking Martin (who doesn’t), for a sandy stroll. Delightful.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

A work in progress.

Last week someone said “go to the beach everyday-it will change your life” and I believe it. Having just been off the hamster wheel for the longest time in my adult life, I’m reluctant to jump fully back on. Until I can figure that out and am able to exercise more vigorously, I’ve decided to walk on the beach everyday after work. I can’t think of a better transition for my body and my mind.

Routine...I like it but, (like Mary Poppins) I’m also feeling a shift in the wind. Life is short and despite the fact that I have a great existence, I believe it can be better. So I’m fine tuning in my mind, playing with dreams, prioritizing my values and experiencing a bit of an internal make over. I haven't got a clue what the outcome will be, but I'm begining to figure out that removing an ovary and endometrioma may have made room for more than I bargained for.
How supercalifragilisticexpialidocious is that?!

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Sunday snooze.

It doesn’t matter how old you are, wiggling ones toes in the sand always feels good and today (despite it being a bit overcast) we headed for the beach. In lieu of water wings I had a touristy florescent green blow-up mattress for me to look idiotic on. It worked well (both the floating and the idiotic parts) until I became a petulant child coming back to dry land after only five minutes because I was cold! In my defense let me say I could not lay belly down and paddle...still. This moved me swiftly to plan b, to be pulled behind Giampaolo’s windsurfing board on said blow-up mattress. Let me just put it this way, good idea, poor execution!

I beached myself after such vigorous exercise and doubt anyone will deny that a good nap was in order. While thankfully we have no photos of the floating green goddess, unfortunately the same can not be said of my forty winks. Good grief...!