Saturday, January 06, 2007

Funny as shit.

Ahhhh the joy of a public bathroom. I’m lucky enough to have the key to our executive washroom, along with about 20 other women that work in our building. It’s an OK basic place with no frills, two stalls, two sinks, a mirror. paper towels and a door stop. Yet there are many silent (and some not so silent) agreements connected to this inner sanctum. For example, if someone is in a stall having a poo and you’re just in for a pee….the pee-er exits as quickly as possible to allow the poo-ee some privacy. Another; So as not to offend the mystery occupant of stall #2 (no pun intended) raucous farting is not encouraged. Interestingly however, if a wayward fart does escape it is often followed by a polite “excuse me” from the rule breaker to her fellow in-mate. Finally (and an agreement broken more often that you’d think) flush the loo when your done!

It had been bugging me for a while, that every time I used the bathroom I had the following dialogue with the sign above. “It’s not dispose of it, its dispose of them”. As if that wasn't enough, recently as I entered my favorite stall I was assaulted by the flagrant violation of the “must flush” rule. Good grief…. I darted next door and whist mid pee another girl entered and had the same close encounter with the mystery stool. Poor cow, she has no choice but to bravely flush - breathe and enter.
Clearly the girl was quite traumatized because upon my next visit, this sign was now staring at me from the back of the door.

Now these notices were just not working for me, so I decided to call in a professional. I surreptitiously removed the two offending notices and mailed them to the only other person I knew would be so offended, he’d have to upgrade them! Let me introduce our hero Paul Chamberlain. Paul as young man, while riding in the elevator of his apartment complex would remove the mundane “Bingo -this Thursday in apartment 4C” sign. Then he’d pour his creative genius in to pimping the sign & making it something Vegas would be proud of, replacing it back in the same place as if nothing had happened. Brilliant-absolutely brilliant.

Whist officially retired from his vigilante work I knew he’d rise to the occasion and these two works of art are what now reside in our bathrooms.















Three points of explanation;
1. On the uniform of the bio-hazard chick is our company logo-an inspired touch.
2. For those who don’t know ‘Kokua’ is the Hawaiian word for aid or assist-a fantastic play on words.
3. The fine print under poo-poo-a reads “Juvenile and culturally insensitive yes, but funny none the less"

No shit.........

10 comments:

Nancy said...

Your re-tell is so funny! good job.

mater70 said...

Oh my God, only you could write a novella on lavatories and their usage. Totally and utterly brilliant - why are we women so afraid of farting (or rather being heard) - we don't mind the silent but deadly type after all. We have the ability to look down our nose and raise an offended eyebrow to the assembled throng, then go on our merry, innocent way.

I think the above diatribe really does show we are mother & daughter and tarred with the same (lavatory) brush.

Curious said...

Something I've been meaning to ask (again) why is there a figure in a wheelchair next to the verification place. Does it mean if you're disabled you don't need to sign in?

Sharon said...

Dear Curious: If you tell me why you killed the cat, I'll tell you why there's a wheelchair sign.

gcammar said...

As a self-reminder, you should put one in your home bathroom too... just yesterday I ran into a lonely little abandoned floating one...

Nancy said...

Gp-You are so funny..you have us all thinking that Sharon left one of her kids behind...when in fact the clinche "He who smelt it Dealt it" could very well apply.

mater70 said...

How do you know it was Sharon who left the "floater" - she might have guests other than yourself you know. BUT, if it just might have been Sharon, I bet it didn't have any odour - the Paleys are an odour-free zone :-) (she lied)

Sharon said...

Thanks for the support ladies, however, I confess the lonely poo was mine!

cammar said...

Either Sharon's or one of the goats next door...

meesh said...

hey - i posted a long comment - too long to re-create and I see it is not here? It was certainly not too rude, so the blog police could not have been upset with it. Oh well, the short of it was, love "the confessions from the toilet stall"