Wednesday, March 28, 2007

The games people play.

I have no idea if I’ll ever go to Italy & meet GP’s parents and while I’m sure they’re as easy going as he is, the thought is hideously intimidating! As Europeans we are saturated with invisible prejudice without even knowing it. Shite like, the English hate the Germans, no ones too keen on the French but thumbs up all around to the Swiss. Now I live in a part of America where I’m not required to confront my class, upbringing or narrow mindedness, excellent! Instead I get to sit in my bubble surrounded by people who become comatose in the presence of what they consider to be a nice accent. It’s ridiculous really....

When I fantasize of the day that I may meet Dottore & Signora Cammarota the list of pre conceived ideas they will have of me (as I imagine it) is startling. English stereotypes; she can’t cook, she’s not one of us, is she of the right class (?) she wants another glass of wine, must she insist on wearing those union jack knickers at the dinner table and she has freckles....mamma mia! Not to mention the unconventional friendship I have with their son, che palle! That’s a lot of hurdles before I’ve even said “buon giorno”! Not to mention my uninformed opinions of them, dear god no one will be able to hear them selves think because of all that discrimination!
Still in my Makawao hideaway I make (in my invisible friend kinda way) small in roads to their liking me by (of all things) cooking, because god knows it won't be the language! I already measure my success via a secret scale beginning with Giampaolo, does he spit or swallow my food?! It’s like a warped video game, if he swallows then I advance to the next level, but still have to fight off all the dark archaic and sinister demons that surround the higher level of
‘i genitori’!

Tonight in my fantasy of ‘meet the parents’ I advanced a stage with my risotto ai cavolfiori. The good news is it looks like the picture in Jami Olivers example, the bad news is that if ‘i genitori’ had actually tasted it, all their inevitable ‘we told you so’s’ would have come true! Luckily though, I would whip out my handy deck of scopa cards which would so shock and delight them that I’d have them drinking Earl Gray & eating McVities before they could say ‘arrivederci'!
I win-I win!

Monday, March 26, 2007

Hana 2007

We seemed to have a water theme this past Hana weekend. With the chance of 40% precipitation-trust me-Hana style, I was prepared to stay inside our cozy little cabana for a few days. In the area of Hanalei on Kauai the ancient Hawaiians had 17 distinct names for the different kinds of rain that fell on their land, I’m sure it was no different in Hana and we lucked out only experiencing a few of the rains personalities this weekend. With impressive water features in every direction it was hard to know where to look!

Of course without all that moisture there would be no rain forest, waterfalls, lush vegetation & creatures that make up the magnificence of this sacred little spot on the planet. In contrast the County of Maui (in its infinite wisdom) sent a different kind of drizzle to the sides of the road in the form of ‘round up'! So while I’m sure there are a myriad of good reasons for this, looking at brown poisoned plants on the roadside for much of the drive out was not matching my ideal tropical pictue!
It’s great to unplug from the grid (though GP was disappointed in the coconut wireless reception). No cell phone, no computer, not even a phone in our cabana, heaven. Nature just unfolds before you doing its thing and personally I love being surrounded by it, feeling like the speck that I am and it the dominant force….which of course is the truth of it.
Anyway… can take the girl of England but I always have a trusty umbrella and a wooly jumper handy especially in the tropics!
Here’s Hana’s own Ola Eleogram executing one of the many of the 360’s we saw him do at Hamoa. Sweeeeeeeeeeeeet!

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And finally.....I had the bright idea that if we stepped into the bamboo forest we’d be able to record the sound. Good idea-poor execution!

Monday, March 19, 2007

Sharon Paley's Diary

Number of Fags 0
Number of beers: On my first one.
Public recognition by fan base: 2
Public humiliation by celeb: 1

In desperate attempt to become windsurfing goddess dragged sagging arse to beach for sorely misguided attempt to look cool. Sunny day, lots of wind and not many handsome your surfer types to fake rigging ability in front of. Hurrah!

Spent too much time searching for optimal outfit to look like cool sailor chick due to ‘wet look’ being unattractive and producing unwanted emphasis on sticky-out ears and large (father inherited) nose. Bugger.

Supremely cool Italian windsurfer non boyfriend at beach so must stay dry and out of water as long as possible so as not to botch later possibility of sexual encounter. Sit on chair expressing regret at light wind conditions-plan working well.

Dammit….cannot postpone any longer. Whilst attempting first beach launch supremely cool Italian windsurfer non boyfriend sails by and says man on beach has something to say to me. “I read Giampaolo’s blog and now I read yours”. Giddy moment feeling very superstar like, with fan hand-me-downs.

Delirious with moment of recognition, am also instant windsurf goddess of my fantasies and sail out to prove it. SCIWNB now at beach ready to give tips to big ears-great. Calculated likelihood of being dumped and dying alone due to fit, young, tanned, small eared, tight assed, able to jibe, sexy athletic hottie - depressingly high.

Still, do remarkably well and with SCIWNB encouragement have massive windsurf goddess breakthrough by placing feet in foot straps for at least TWO SECONDS!Hurrah! Am shamelessly thrilled and feel possibility of evening shag rising.

Quit while I’m ahead and young hot surfer type asks me” Do you have any tips as to how to sail back to the same point-you were doing so well” Have to restrain myself from running over & hugging him-instead nonchalantly laugh and quip ‘I’ve no tips as I have no idea how I did it myself”!

Flushed with success (for second time in an hour) at being recognized am smiling a lot, also good visual distraction as looking cool whilst wet proves elusive. Struggled to undo out-haul so casually get harness to produce more leverage (like pro sailor type) but the words “I think you’re making it tighter” land at my feet from Fred Hayward-famous windsurfing fossil. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck fuck. Coyly accept help and swiftly scuttle away secretly thrilled at big day. Am officially at new super cool athletic level, must discretely drop news into all conversations possible over next week.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Don't let this happen to you!

Part 1:I'm going windsurfing today and after watching this little nugget I'm already extremely grateful for every earth bound face plant I’ll do! Nothing like a little perspective to brighten the day :-)

Part 2:Sacre bleu-its 6:34am and not an Earl Gray tea bag in the house! Note to self must fire the housekeeper. My day is now an experiment like getting out of bed on the wrong side on purpose, I hope it won’t reflect in my windsurfing.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

It was good while it lasted!

(AP) -- Study: Fellatio may significantly decrease the risk of breast cancer in women.

How did I miss the clues?! Thanks Paul for setting me straight. As the disclaimer says; The names alone suffice to expose the text as a spoof: Dr. B.J. Sooner. Dr. Inserta Shafteer. Dr. Len Lictepeen. This is clearly not an Associated Press news story.

The text first appeared, dolled up to look exactly like a CNN News Web page, on a college student's Web site in early October 2003. It vanished without explanation soon afterward, only to reappear 24 hours later with a disclaimer stating that the story, which now bore the byline "Brandon Williamson," was intended "for entertainment purposes only." (A subsequent version was also stripped of all references to CNN, presumably due to threats of litigation.)

How’s that for an instant karmic ass kicking for the Royal post?!

Thursday, March 08, 2007

God Save the Queen!

Ok here’s the scoop. I’m a card carrying Royalist, an old fashioned Brit that just loves the fact that the UK has a Royal Family and normally I don’t want hear a cross word said against them. Peeps who know me would (I think) concur that I have a good sense of humor, but I often loose that when the Windsor’s are thrown under the bus, until now!
I tried to show a bit of respect (and failed) by making the pictures a bit smaller but oh my word, these are just too good not to share! It’s my bro’s fault coz he forwarded these gems to me today. May the Queen Mum forgive me and not turn in her grave as I titter at her expense. Oh I feel awful putting these silly pics on the web but I just can’t help it coz they make me laugh. It will make me post again quickly, so I'll feel better-like I'm covering them up with a blankie!

Saturday, March 03, 2007

White trash.

Just a reminder that for every beautiful waterfall and sun drenched vista there is its grim and sad opposite. I’ve been frequenting the dump a lot lately and the plastic bag trees are definitely in bloom. I feel suffocated just looking at this.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Toilet humour

I was rummaging around for a good post and stumbled across this little gem forwarded from my bro a few years ago. Yes, it is a real bathroom located in th Sofitel Hotel in Queenstown, New Zealand.

My favorite comment was that the artsy loo had brought a couple of complaints from church goers and a couple of hundred people wanting to take a look! Evidenty it is five star hotels most popular room.....

So my curiosity was peeked about loo art and look what else I found. How about this classic latrine exhibit outside the Tate in London. It’s a fully functioning loo with one way mirrored glass so you can pee & see, but not be seen. Fantastic...I wonder if you have to pay 25p to use it?