Friday, May 11, 2007

Addict!

I had no expectations for this trip except one, which was to be able to connect my laptop to my Mums DSL line at home. WRONG!

First of all her DSL line thinks it’s a dial up. It also requires software that Mum no longer has and therefore will not recognize my computer. No problem, I’ll just grab my webmail from her PC. WRONG! My Mums dinosaur uses Windows 98 and for whatever reason it will not recognize my webmail address or my camera cable. My other hope of an unsecured signal was also dashed, ‘don’t panic’ I thought, I’ll go to plan B.

I joined a great gym under the pretense of working out, but really it’s for the free internet access. So despite the fact that there is no sound and I can’t check my fave porn sites, at least I can retrieve my e-mail from there…..sort of. Over the last few days only one or two of the four monitors has been working and I’m either waiting for a nine year old boy to finish his game of destroying the world one pixel at a time, or there’s a fit beer drinking bloke (yes British gym = pub) is breathing down my neck ready destroy the world one pixel at a time. Breathe Sharon, breathe.

In case you’re thinking ahead here and wondering the obvious, the good news is there’s not a Starbucks in sight of my Mums flat, the bad, there’s also not a wi-fi post.

No problem, my bro lives in the 21st century and has wireless. Having not seen him in over two years you’d think I have the decency to chat politely before pushing him and his wife aside, pulling out my laptop and making myself cozy. Hell no - there was posting to be done! Dear God I can’t describe the bliss, heaven and nirvana I felt at the sight of new e-mails cascading in to my inbox, I was finally a complete and happy woman. No time to waste as posts were circling like planes ready to land at Heathrow, I signed on to blogger. WHAT?! Now my computer thinks blogger is a virus (which I now have on good authority it is) and won’t let me in! Again, no “how are you’s” no “hey the house looks great” no “how’s it going at work” just “Bollocks-Red can you come & help me”?!

Somewhere in my evolution I must have turned into an instant gratification yank and forgotten my ‘let’s all form a nice queue” roots because with time, blogger graciously let me sign in. However with so much time lost and a better offer showing up (namely dinner and Top Gear on the telly) my bro flippantly said “well if you need to log on just come over when we’re at work, sit in the driveway and use the wireless from there’. So feeling like a junkie needing a massive hit I took him up on this generous offer (a key would have been charitable) and the next day madly went searching for the signal. His novice suggestion of the car was no good at all, the front bench, very low & intermittent, bastards, bollocks and god dammit this is my karma for being an addict, I knew it was going to work by the trash cans!. Hallelujah-free at last, free at last, a strong signal and I’m free at last!

12 comments:

robin said...

Sharon, you crank me up! So true, though. Has to be in Belgium Friday and Germany on Saturday and found myself constantly looking for free wi-fi conections (don't you hate it when you think you have struck gold and it turns out you be one of these 'pay wi-fi thingies'). You hang in there, I know you will now you have found your 'el dorado'. Enjoy your trip whil it lasts. Just booked a ticket, will be going back to Blighty this summer, it has been 12 years. Please tell me nothing has changed, or at least the Bitter is still second to non!

Sharon said...

Robin thanks for the empathy, my urges seemed to have peaked with this post!

One tip, as coming over in the summer don't forget a raincoat.
As for the beer,well stay tuned :-)

Nancy said...

Sharon-
You are getting worse. I suggest no computer for you!! You can do it! Perhaps we should start a Blog Anonymous in your honor.

Lano said...

Couldnt you find a cafe with wireless access? We have many of them here in Australia. Very generous of your brother though to let you use his driveway. Love the 'derelicte' computer table, you get that at ikea?

Sharon said...

Hey Mrs B: I'll quite the keyboard when you put down the racquet!

Lano: Trust me if there was a wireless hotspot closer than my brothers I would have found it! The driveway desk is not only sleek & compact but there's also a shit load of storage :-)

Cerebral Itch said...

I salute your diligence and fortitude in sending dispatches from the isles. You are a correspondent to be admired. Not only must you deal with inadequate communication technologies but it appears you must also deal with various rodentia and fumes from rotting bangers.

Your Peabody Award awaits.

Sharon said...

Why PC, kind words indeed. no more please otherwise I'll have delusions of grandeur and think I'm ready to blog for NPR!

cammar said...

I just got in Napoli and I'm having the same ansiety...
The dialup feels like prehistorical.
Fortunately I just found that the Gran Caffe' La Caffettiera offers wireless access... I'll check it out, but I don't trust them. Everything in Napoli works fine for a few days and then it goes abandoned...

My backup plan will be to slowly drive around town with the computer on the passenger seat until I run into someone's unprotected wireless network...

Sharon said...

But so far, your parents not being able to use their phone for 2 hours is working?! Oh that's right you just arrived :-) If you have to revert to plan B make sure you take provisions (and a toothpick) you might have a long drive.

cammar said...

as easily predicted, the gran caffe' la caffettiera had no wireless service. They actually had a wireless router, but the modem cable wasn't even attached. I asked the cashier, she said she knew nothing about it... She said I should ask the manager. But he wasn't there. Prolly went for a coffee...

Anyway, I'm not sitting in a little square in Mergellina and I'm using an unprotected wireless network called "casa" (home). It works! Thank you, whoever you are...

Sharon said...

Hysterical, I suspect you'll have an extention cord figured out for power in no time!The locals are going to think you're the new village nutter!

cammar said...

considering I grew up there, I'm well known to be the village nut...

Great buy today with italian reggae band Pitura Freska cd...