Hana 2007

We seemed to have a water theme this past Hana weekend. With the chance of 40% precipitation-trust me-Hana style, I was prepared to stay inside our cozy little cabana for a few days. In the area of Hanalei on Kauai the ancient Hawaiians had 17 distinct names for the different kinds of rain that fell on their land, I’m sure it was no different in Hana and we lucked out only experiencing a few of the rains personalities this weekend. With impressive water features in every direction it was hard to know where to look!

Of course without all that moisture there would be no rain forest, waterfalls, lush vegetation & creatures that make up the magnificence of this sacred little spot on the planet. In contrast the County of Maui (in its infinite wisdom) sent a different kind of drizzle to the sides of the road in the form of ‘round up'! So while I’m sure there are a myriad of good reasons for this, looking at brown poisoned plants on the roadside for much of the drive out was not matching my ideal tropical pictue!
It’s great to unplug from the grid (though GP was disappointed in the coconut wireless reception). No cell phone, no computer, not even a phone in our cabana, heaven. Nature just unfolds before you doing its thing and personally I love being surrounded by it, feeling like the speck that I am and it the dominant force….which of course is the truth of it.
Anyway…...you can take the girl of England but I always have a trusty umbrella and a wooly jumper handy especially in the tropics!
Here’s Hana’s own Ola Eleogram executing one of the many of the 360’s we saw him do at Hamoa. Sweeeeeeeeeeeeet!

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And finally.....I had the bright idea that if we stepped into the bamboo forest we’d be able to record the sound. Good idea-poor execution!

Sharon Paley's Diary

Number of Fags 0
Number of beers: On my first one.
Public recognition by fan base: 2
Public humiliation by celeb: 1

In desperate attempt to become windsurfing goddess dragged sagging arse to beach for sorely misguided attempt to look cool. Sunny day, lots of wind and not many handsome your surfer types to fake rigging ability in front of. Hurrah!

Spent too much time searching for optimal outfit to look like cool sailor chick due to ‘wet look’ being unattractive and producing unwanted emphasis on sticky-out ears and large (father inherited) nose. Bugger.

Supremely cool Italian windsurfer non boyfriend at beach so must stay dry and out of water as long as possible so as not to botch later possibility of sexual encounter. Sit on chair expressing regret at light wind conditions-plan working well.

Dammit….cannot postpone any longer. Whilst attempting first beach launch supremely cool Italian windsurfer non boyfriend sails by and says man on beach has something to say to me. “I read Giampaolo’s blog and now I read yours”. Giddy moment feeling very superstar like, with fan hand-me-downs.

Delirious with moment of recognition, am also instant windsurf goddess of my fantasies and sail out to prove it. SCIWNB now at beach ready to give tips to big ears-great. Calculated likelihood of being dumped and dying alone due to fit, young, tanned, small eared, tight assed, able to jibe, sexy athletic hottie - depressingly high.

Still, do remarkably well and with SCIWNB encouragement have massive windsurf goddess breakthrough by placing feet in foot straps for at least TWO SECONDS!Hurrah! Am shamelessly thrilled and feel possibility of evening shag rising.

Quit while I’m ahead and young hot surfer type asks me” Do you have any tips as to how to sail back to the same point-you were doing so well” Have to restrain myself from running over & hugging him-instead nonchalantly laugh and quip ‘I’ve no tips as I have no idea how I did it myself”!

Flushed with success (for second time in an hour) at being recognized am smiling a lot, also good visual distraction as looking cool whilst wet proves elusive. Struggled to undo out-haul so casually get harness to produce more leverage (like pro sailor type) but the words “I think you’re making it tighter” land at my feet from Fred Hayward-famous windsurfing fossil. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck fuck. Coyly accept help and swiftly scuttle away secretly thrilled at big day. Am officially at new super cool athletic level, must discretely drop news into all conversations possible over next week.

Don't let this happen to you!

Part 1:I'm going windsurfing today and after watching this little nugget I'm already extremely grateful for every earth bound face plant I’ll do! Nothing like a little perspective to brighten the day :-)

Part 2:Sacre bleu-its 6:34am and not an Earl Gray tea bag in the house! Note to self must fire the housekeeper. My day is now an experiment like getting out of bed on the wrong side on purpose, I hope it won’t reflect in my windsurfing.

It was good while it lasted!

(AP) -- Study: Fellatio may significantly decrease the risk of breast cancer in women.

How did I miss the clues?! Thanks Paul for setting me straight. As the disclaimer says; The names alone suffice to expose the text as a spoof: Dr. B.J. Sooner. Dr. Inserta Shafteer. Dr. Len Lictepeen. This is clearly not an Associated Press news story.

The text first appeared, dolled up to look exactly like a CNN News Web page, on a college student's Web site in early October 2003. It vanished without explanation soon afterward, only to reappear 24 hours later with a disclaimer stating that the story, which now bore the byline "Brandon Williamson," was intended "for entertainment purposes only." (A subsequent version was also stripped of all references to CNN, presumably due to threats of litigation.)

How’s that for an instant karmic ass kicking for the Royal post?!

God Save the Queen!

Ok here’s the scoop. I’m a card carrying Royalist, an old fashioned Brit that just loves the fact that the UK has a Royal Family and normally I don’t want hear a cross word said against them. Peeps who know me would (I think) concur that I have a good sense of humor, but I often loose that when the Windsor’s are thrown under the bus, until now!
I tried to show a bit of respect (and failed) by making the pictures a bit smaller but oh my word, these are just too good not to share! It’s my bro’s fault coz he forwarded these gems to me today. May the Queen Mum forgive me and not turn in her grave as I titter at her expense. Oh I feel awful putting these silly pics on the web but I just can’t help it coz they make me laugh. It will make me post again quickly, so I'll feel better-like I'm covering them up with a blankie!

White trash.

Just a reminder that for every beautiful waterfall and sun drenched vista there is its grim and sad opposite. I’ve been frequenting the dump a lot lately and the plastic bag trees are definitely in bloom. I feel suffocated just looking at this.

Toilet humour

I was rummaging around for a good post and stumbled across this little gem forwarded from my bro a few years ago. Yes, it is a real bathroom located in th Sofitel Hotel in Queenstown, New Zealand.

My favorite comment was that the artsy loo had brought a couple of complaints from church goers and a couple of hundred people wanting to take a look! Evidenty it is five star hotels most popular room.....

So my curiosity was peeked about loo art and look what else I found. How about this classic latrine exhibit outside the Tate in London. It’s a fully functioning loo with one way mirrored glass so you can pee & see, but not be seen. Fantastic...I wonder if you have to pay 25p to use it?

The Secret.

I’ve always enjoyed my own psyche and I guess there’s no topic more enthralling than ourselves! As a naive young thing I started exploring my mind early on in London with Lifespring and then in San Francisco went to the big boys at EST. I became a bit of a therapy junkie more out of the thrill of exploring how my mind works than any deep child hood wound that needed healing (not that wasn’t a benefit along the way). Most of all these ventures have helped speed up my own leaning curve and that was certainly the impetus of my latest jaunt down the self improvement highway.

Enter Dr.John Demartini….there’s no way for me to even begin to explain his methods. Suffice to say they are all scientifically backed and have proven successful on thousands of peeps like myself looking for a helping hand to the next level. Name it what you will, I had a blast immersing myself in myself and am now boring the pants of my chums with my new lingo and insights. If past experience prevails all but a few nuggets will wear off in a month or two as I get wrapped up again in my stories, unless…….?

Food glorious food.

In my constant search for healthy protein, I grabbed my friend Cheyenne this afternoon and we went to Ulapalakua Ranch Deli for a Maui Cattle Company burger. And while I’m off sugar (for the most part) I decided these were more strawberry than chocolate. Truly scrumptious!

Photo Sharing - Upload Video - Video Sharing - Share PhotosIn his on going effort to create the perfect home pizza, Giampaolo shows his prowess making him dough boy of the week!
Don’t try this at home :-)
Hmmmmm……suffice to say the pizza on the left tasted better than it looked!

You know you're in Waikiki when.....

You get blessed by ‘The Duke’ while shopping at the ABC store.
The beer police need water safety devices on land. Wax, leash, rash guard....padlock key (that's just wrong).
People look and act their age.
PC Plod has replaced his truncheon with a ‘shaka’.

Slowly but surely.

Sorry to be running at a snails pace to the next post, patience grasshoppers! (Thanks Kimmer for these great creature pics).

Memories.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, there are big waves on the north shore & I haven’t been able to go down to the point & ogle…..so instead I’ll tell you about my hamster.

I received this picture today and it reminded me of my hamster (Chippamingo) who was officially the largest pet I ever owned. He was brilliant and extremely cute. When he needed to pee he’d shuffle his little bottom up high into the corner of his cage and oddly, there are time when my toilet smells like his cage used to. But I digress ....

Chippy, as I guess all caged animal do, decided to make a quick getaway whist using me as the human decoy. The only clue as to his whereabouts was the chewed lining of my parent’s expensive velvet curtains where he’d obviously pitched base camp for a few days. Sad and perplexed I’d about given up on him when my Dad (whilst in the cellar) nearly trod on a little black scurrying thing! The fates were with little Chippy as Dad grabbed him and returned him to me all sooty, black and thin from his wild adventure– hallelujah!

Fast forward to the day of poor little Chippy’s death. It was a Sunday and Dad returned from the pub after his usual Guinness (or two) to find a bereft daughter with shoebox casket ready for burial. Buzzed and not in funeral mode my Dad wrote “Chipy” on the box. Harsh and uncaring…..the family never let him forget his spelling infraction!

PS:Is it just me or does Hamster #1 look a bit porn star-ish?

Pins and needles.

Hmmmm, I love acupuncture as it really assimilates well with my body. Here’s a little look at some of today’s treatment, which got even better as my wonderful practitioner warmed up the needles with this amazing stick of something! I could stay on the table all day, but he makes me leave after an hour (note to self-must book double appointment next week).

Forestry (at your) Service.

Today I was forest girl. If only I could convey to you the amazing smells of the eucalyptus and pine tress. It was a heady aroma that tantalized all my senses. I romped around for a while blowing off the cob webs and delighting in the glory of nature.

In the afternoon I did the same thing at Baldwin beach. As I was getting out of my car I saw my friends Cheyenne & River just getting into theirs. So I hid until they approached & then jumped into the middle of the road waving my arms like a wild woman……only to look upon, not my friends, but an elderly couple (one car ahead) in a similar rental. NICE!

One man's meat....

I’ve started eating meat again but have always been leery of the strange looking bits. So whilst at the beach I indiscriminately tossed over my shoulder (as one does) a piece of suspicious looking turkey. Much to my amusement, said piece of suspicion went zooming in reverse and slapped into the unlikely target behind me!

Water Lilies & Taro.

The blog is like having my own art gallery. So these two photos are just here for my own enjoyment. They were taken at the little water garden at Mama’s Fish House.

High Surf Advisory. High Wind Warning

A wind advisory means thats strong winds of 30 MPH with frequent gusts above 50 MPH are expected.
High surf warning remains in effect until 4 PM HST Tuesday...surf along North facing shores will be 30 to 40 feet through Tuesday.
The perfect storm for the first man out to get some attention....and why not, this shit was radical. The bluff was packed with pros and as always I got a little star struck seeing Robbie hanging out. What's with the peculiar rush most of us feel when we see a celeb? Anyway, tomorrow is going to be sick, and I'd call in sick to watch it, but as I just took a four day weekend........Bollocks.

PS: I don't thinks the photo's do the conditions justice, so if you want more evidence here's a video.

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Does anyone have the time?

Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin'into the future......
Cheyenne & I were talking about time and he was reminding me what an amazing commodity it is. As I work & own a house, the majority of my time is connected to responsibility and the minority of my time is spent on play (though oddly I don’t think of it that way). It’s prompted me to look at my time and how I choose to spend it.

I’m always espousing the virtues of balance and how important that is to me. However upon closer inspection, I’m only examining my ‘after work’ hours and those lack some serious spontaneity! So as I enter the last week of my 45th year on the planet, it will be interesting to see if I can hold this thought and act accordingly. Time will tell……..

Man of the match

Ok-Ok-I know it's a little unfair to show this clip without a receipricol link to Sebastians blog of my boobs flapping in the wind. However, as my boobs aren't on the web (as far as I know)and after watching a video of Diego Maradona last night, I was reminded of this gem and placed it inbetween two bland posts so as not to give it too much attention!
Meesh- I think he should make it to the big list!

The same, but different.

It’s a good thing when you look at the same thing over and over and you still get a hit of bliss (as with the clip above)! Such was the case at Kanaha a few weeks ago when the colors where a perfect tropical picture.

It was the same thing at Hookipa tonight, I love sitting on the knoll and watching the show.....never a dull moment.
Here's 'cousin itt' tearing it up! We had whales swimming by, friends stopping by and always there's a baby or a dog to entertain between sets, tonight there was both. This is without a doubt one of my favorite ways to transition from late afternoon to evening. Same place, different cast, always good.

Nice Weaseed.

I’ve inherited the peculiar habit of letter flipping and I know I’m not the only one. I was in the gym the other day and a local dude had a
t-shirt that boldly proclaimed “Duck Fat” which I found pleasantly amusing.

Attitude of gratitude

My Mum had a health hiccup this week that wasn’t (to put it mildly) pleasant and I’ve not been feeling up to snuff for a few weeks. Good grief-how the internal dialog can quickly turn against you if you’re not vigilant! I’ve been mildly preaching to Mum if she finds herself in the negative zone to come back to gratitude. So today on my bike ride I took my own advise & listed all the things I grateful for (which I do quite often), this particular jump was for “I’m really grateful I have friends who discuss the joys of a pee-jibe”! Actually it was “I’m really grateful Pino Danielle is playing perfect theme tune music on my i-pod”.


Photo Sharing - Upload Video - Video Sharing - Share PhotosUpon my return to Rice Park I was grateful to see kids, dogs & adults playing the old fashioned way……the kid in the cardboard box is my new hero!

Calling all wordsmiths.

I was half listening to the radio the other day when my ears pricked up as the words ‘bonkers’ and ‘phor’ came wafting across the airwaves. It turns out the Oxford English Dictionary is resorting to the British public in the hopes of receiving help in the origin of some modern day words. They have a colorful 'appeal' list of words whose origins are uncertain or unknown. The inventory of their most wanted words is classic and reminds me of the list you’d create for someone who is leaning British-English and wants to sound like a native. They include; mucky pup, tosser, prat, dogs bollocks, wally, kinky and my personal favorite, wazzock!

Now, my Queens English is a bit rusty but here goes; I had an ‘ex’ who I originally thought was the dogs bollocks, but it turned out not only was he a mucky pup but he was also a real kinky prat. Bloody hell, I was a total wally for liking him, thank God I woke up & dumped that tosser, what a wazzock!

In an efforft to redeem myself (yes-that's my traitoresque household dictionary above) I just signed up for the OED's word or the day service-todays word is 'verify'. Bloody hell-not exactly the dogs bollocks.....

Funny as shit.

Ahhhh the joy of a public bathroom. I’m lucky enough to have the key to our executive washroom, along with about 20 other women that work in our building. It’s an OK basic place with no frills, two stalls, two sinks, a mirror. paper towels and a door stop. Yet there are many silent (and some not so silent) agreements connected to this inner sanctum. For example, if someone is in a stall having a poo and you’re just in for a pee….the pee-er exits as quickly as possible to allow the poo-ee some privacy. Another; So as not to offend the mystery occupant of stall #2 (no pun intended) raucous farting is not encouraged. Interestingly however, if a wayward fart does escape it is often followed by a polite “excuse me” from the rule breaker to her fellow in-mate. Finally (and an agreement broken more often that you’d think) flush the loo when your done!

It had been bugging me for a while, that every time I used the bathroom I had the following dialogue with the sign above. “It’s not dispose of it, its dispose of them”. As if that wasn't enough, recently as I entered my favorite stall I was assaulted by the flagrant violation of the “must flush” rule. Good grief…. I darted next door and whist mid pee another girl entered and had the same close encounter with the mystery stool. Poor cow, she has no choice but to bravely flush - breathe and enter.
Clearly the girl was quite traumatized because upon my next visit, this sign was now staring at me from the back of the door.

Now these notices were just not working for me, so I decided to call in a professional. I surreptitiously removed the two offending notices and mailed them to the only other person I knew would be so offended, he’d have to upgrade them! Let me introduce our hero Paul Chamberlain. Paul as young man, while riding in the elevator of his apartment complex would remove the mundane “Bingo -this Thursday in apartment 4C” sign. Then he’d pour his creative genius in to pimping the sign & making it something Vegas would be proud of, replacing it back in the same place as if nothing had happened. Brilliant-absolutely brilliant.

Whist officially retired from his vigilante work I knew he’d rise to the occasion and these two works of art are what now reside in our bathrooms.















Three points of explanation;
1. On the uniform of the bio-hazard chick is our company logo-an inspired touch.
2. For those who don’t know ‘Kokua’ is the Hawaiian word for aid or assist-a fantastic play on words.
3. The fine print under poo-poo-a reads “Juvenile and culturally insensitive yes, but funny none the less"

No shit.........

No rain....no rainbows.

It’s easy to get used to everyday things even if they are beautiful and special. Maui rainbows are plentiful, yet they have a magical quality which keeps the ‘taking for granted’ beast at bay. I remember growing up being really excited by the marvel of a rare rainbow and the thought of seeing the end of one was elusive and well…..impossible. Yet here on Maui they are fat and accessible, to the point that driving home tonight I felt like I drove from the ‘front’ to the ‘back’ of this lovely natural wonder.
I have a rainbow maker in my bathroom. It has a small solar powered cell that’s supposed to turn the colored cogs and wheels to make an indoor rainbow. Great idea- poor execution, the little cell gets all fired up and then just splutters and clicks not turning the modest crystal as was shown on the instructions. No worries, I’ll just keep looking outside my window…….

Before and after.

I confess I'm a closet fan or 'before' and 'after' photo's. So I bring to you my New Years Eve & New Years Day looks!

Here I am with the lovely Michelle Crompton. Michelle is wearing designer Ross and a bit of fur from my dress up box. I am in Banana Republic with Aloha swap meet bracelet and necklace from Granny!
Martin hosted a fabby evening complete with sparklers at midnight.
You can dress us up, but you can't take us anywhere ......which of course makes Michelle an excellent chum in my book!
Which brings us to 'after'! Here I am Jan 1st 2007 in full tea making mode with my new Dominic the Donkey slippers. "Oh jigerty jig eeeoorr eeeeorrr it's Dominic the donkey" my Christmas prezzie received just yesterday from none other than my good pal Michelle!